Ian Gavan/Getty Images

Well, there are worse ways to go.  A 67-year-old man DIED at a STRIP CLUB during his LAP DANCE!  Management says ol’ boy was gettin’ it in but…when it came time to PAY…he was unresponsive! (Been THERE) Employees performed CPR, until paramedics arrived, but he later died.  At first, it appeared he died of natural causes but…authorities say something smells FISHY…

Well, that’s one way to get a STRIPPER’S lips on ya!

AFP/Getty Images

31 SARASOTA sickos have been arrested following an underage SEX sting.  All 31 are accused of answering an Internet ad and engaging “in sexually explicit written and verbal conversations.”  They were apprehended after traveling to Sarasota County for SEX with minors…some of whom, the men believed, as young as EIGHT-YEARS-OLD!  One disgusting daddy brought his FOUR-YEAR-OLD along for the “ride”…

Watch these SICKOS cry like the BITCHES they are when BUSTED!

Ramsey Police Department

Police arrested a 50-year-old man, in a public park, for indecent exposure.  I think, however, dude should get points for originality, flexibility and knot tying!  Homeboy manged to blindfold himself and then, tie his own wrists and ankles…to two different trees!  A fisherman call the cops when he happened upon ya boy, SPREAD EAGLE, waiting for someone…ANYONE…with whom to have anonymous SEX…

Ya know, you’ll never met anybody, if you don’t PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE

Jemal Countess/Getty Images

It’s no secret that I am a GREY GOOSE GIRL!  I’ll drink vodka with breakfast, on a plane, with a fox, hell…I’m drinking vodka RIGHT NOW.  What was a secret, however, were these 10 OTHER awesome things you can do with the nectar of the party gods!  (WHY someone ever had some vodka they didn’t drink…I do not know…but I DO know that I’m trying ALL of these…)

I already have vodka in my HAIR, it’s from last night though, and was unintentional.

Christopher Lee/Getty Images

Ahhh college…a place where young, smart, independent folks go to expand their minds…and CRACK their SKULLS!  Get a load of this MORON.  His drunk-ass climbs up to the roof, of a THREE-STORY apartment complex, and is certain he can DIVE into the POOL.  He can’t…

And now the pool is closed so they can clean up your BLOOD! Selfish.

Cancan Chu/Getty Images

Taking your five-year-old to the TANNING BED, is only one symptom of TANOREXIA!  Behold what happens when seemingly normal, pale-skinned people, are stricken with this debilitating disease.  No matter how brown (or ORANGE) they become…NEVER…do they feel TAN enough!  Mahogany…it’s not just for WOOD anymore…

HINT: Make sure to also look UP when SPRAY TANNING…

Chung Sung-Jun/Getty Images

Mere DAYS before Koreans celebrate the birth of BUDDHA, the holiest day of the religion’s calendar, six leaders from their biggest Buddhist order were busted on VIDEO raising hell!  The secret footage shows these, supposedly, serene monks playing high-stakes poker, drinking and smoking.  The incident occurred, at a luxury hotel, where they were gathered for a fellow monk’s MEMORIAL service…

Holy PARTY Monkmen

Santa Ana Police Department

A 32-year-old mother may have just given birth to her, 16-year-old DAUGHTER’S, boyfriend’s baby!  After the boy’s neighbors told his parents that the woman was often there, when they weren’t home, they confronted their son.  He admitted to having had sex, with his girl’s mom, at least six times.  This predator will now spend MOTHER’S DAY behind bars.  When police arrested her, she told them that she’s IN LOVE with the child…

Talk about the REVERSE cowgirl!!!

Phil Walter/Getty Images

Now this is a WiLD woman!  She left her car running, when she went into a store, and came out to some dude sitting behind the wheel ready to take off!  Instead of calling the cops ya girl straight GRABS the guy, through the window, and puts him in a HEADLOCK!  The funniest part, though, is when she tells the story to the news!!!

My friends said, he could’ve hurt you. And I said, and I could have done a lot more to him too!

Anoka County Sheriff's Office

When a 12-year-old comes home, with an F on her report card, punishment is certainly in order.  CORPORAL punishment, however, is not.  According to the police report when officers arrived, after being called by several neighbors, they witnessed a horrific scene.  At least 50 people were watching as the child was forced to do WIND SPRINTS, up and down the street, while wearing only a tank top and DIAPER.  The girl’s head had also been completely SHAVED…

The child was CRYING and HYSTERICAL and had been running for 30 MINUTES

WPA Pool/Getty Images

We’ve talked about Susanne Eman, on my show, before.  She eats 30,000 CALORIES, per DAY, in her attempt to claim the title of WORLD’S FATTEST WOMAN.  Well, big mama has landed herself a FIANCE!  Watch as she’s fitted for, what may in fact be, the world’s LARGEST wedding dress.  The seamstress rolls out 45 FEET of fabric, to make it around Susanne’s NINE-FOOT waist!  On the way to her fitting, homegirl grabs lunch…$50 worth of Carl’s Jr…

JACKPOT! She’s marrying a CHEF!!

Dan Kitwood/Getty Images

Adopted by a police officer, to aid his alcoholic mother, Lilly the Pit Bull more than earned her keep last week.  Lilly’s owner PASSED OUT on some TRAIN TRACKS!  The engineer says he saw a dog, PULLING a woman from the tracks, but could not stop in time.  Lilly managed to drag her owner to safety, (she was completely uninjured), but the train’s wheels hit the dog causing serious injury.  When EMTs arrived they found Lilly, covered in blood, still standing over her owner…

Lilly is a DOG gone HERO!!!

Fort Wayne Police Department

Who needs car seats when you can STRAP YOUR KIDS TO THE HOOD OF THE CAR?!  That’s exactly what these two partying parents did, (to their children aged 4-7 years), on the way home from…the LIQUOR STORE!!!

A witness said they were strapped down like LUMBER on a SEMI!!!